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Tuesday, April 5, 2016

A Dirty Little Secret: Confessions of an Angry Mom #‎mommyangercourse‬

Angry Mom

My name is Jen, and I’m an Angry Mom.  It’s embarrassing to admit, only a small few know the truth, and even then they know only a slim portion of the reality. 

It’s been bothering me for sometime.  I realize it’s an issue, I have not be sure how to fix it though.  For the longest time I have wondered if maybe there wasn’t something very wrong with me (and I don’t know, maybe there is), but as time goes by, the more I’ve tired to hide it, the harder it has been to control it.

Recently, even my husband has been noticing this.  After yelling at my son over Easter (with even my parents present) over nothing that was really worth yelling over (though typically it never is).  My husband asked me if I exploded like that a lot.  The reality of his question was very disheartening.  I didn’t even want to admit to it.  The truth was I did.  A LOT.  My oldest son is a struggle, so I blamed it on that ‘fact’, but after contemplating the question and the occurrence of another incident, I realized the truth was that it was just the same with each of my kids.  

Most recently, while over excited about painting their art projects, my 5 year old dropped and broke his creation.  I yelled at him, I yelled at him, I yelled at his brothers.  I sent them all downstairs, I was angry!  If they had just waited for me, it would not have happened.  I mentioned to my husband the incident…he said he had heard, and that c had sounded rather upset about breaking his sculpture.  It was true, he was upset, and instead of consoling him, I made it worse.  I felt horrible!  Instead, I just bit back at my husband, stating that he doesn’t always respond to things the right way either.  It’s true, he doesn’t, but that wasn’t the point.

I went to my room, I shut the door, I cried. 

I’ve always considered myself a mom that doesn’t carry ‘guilt’.  It was true for many years, but the last few years have brought a lot of guilt, and it all stems from anger.

My oldest son (the ‘difficult’ one), he came in and saw me crying.  He asked me why.  I told him I just hate that I yell at them so much, I don’t like to yell and I wish I didn’t yell as much as I do.  He hugged me, he said he understood.  For being a difficult kid, I realized in that moment just how sweet he really is.  I’m sure he does understand how hard it is.  We have been struggling with him and ADHD.  He just laid with me, he rubbed my arm, laid his head on his shoulder and just stayed with me, while I silently cried.

I think one of the hardest things about this secret is that I feel like such a hypocrite.  I have people tell me all the time, about how they don’t have the patience to homeschool, they could NEVER do what I do.  I try to be honest, I tell them I don’t have much patience, I tell them that some days are better than others.  I have tried to tell them I am not perfect without painting the ugly reality.  It’s true, I’m not perfect, NO ONE IS!  I don’t homeschool because I am perfect, but I am grateful to homeschool and to have an even bigger to work through this issue.  I could easily send my kids to school and not deal with it (the thought has occurred to me MANY times), but how would that help me, really?

Every day, is a new day.  I wake up every day determined not to yell, and ultimately I fail.  I have found a lot of things that ‘help’, but the issue remains.  As I laid their and cried, I thought about what a horrible mom I was.  I started flipping trough Pinterest, and post after post appeared, titles about feeling guilty, mommy burnout, feeling like a failure mom, feeling defeated as a mom, how to stop yelling, ways to reset your mood, how to be a more patient mom, restoring your soul, overwhelmed moms, mom funk, more yelling posts (lots of yelling posts) and you know what I realized? 

I’M NOT ALONE!  I can’t be the only one that has this problem and feels this way… it’s every where!  Tons of mom’s sharing their struggles and how they helped themselves. 

Then, I learned about this new online video course that just launched titled:  7 Days to a Less Angry Mom.  It sounded like JUST WHAT I NEEDED!

I am so excited to help promote this course and to have been able to preview it (I have not completed it yet, but will be doing so!). 

This is a great video course, that is Christian based.  It is very inspirational and really helped me know that I am NOT alone!  There are worksheet packets for each lesson to really help you sort out your feelings and make goals.  I am so thankful for Alicia to have been so inspired to create such a course like this to help moms like me! To say it’s an answer to my prayers, would not be an understatement!

If you are struggling with Mommy Anger too, I hope you will realize (as I did) that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  I hope you will consider investing in this course and checking it out with me.  Let’s break this cycle and BE HAPPIER, HEALTHIER MOMS… for us and for our kids!

NOTE:  I know the image for this post seems scary, I don’t want anyone to think I beat my kids, I don’t.  I chose this image though because this is how I FEEL, this is what I imagine I look like to my poor children.  I feel out of control and crazy, and so so angry!

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